Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!Psalms 139:23-24
There was a time in my life when the thought of this Psalm would have sent shivers down my spine. Search me? Know my heart? Know my thoughts? I would have been about as nervous as a drug mule passing through an airport x-ray scanner. “No thanks, God, I’ll pass on all that,” I would have said, “You’re not going to like what you see. I am far too embarrassed and ashamed to share it with you.” I think it is fair to say that we have all been there. Some of us are are still there every day, and all of us have those moments even as we faithfully walk with Christ. We are humans, sinful by nature, and we are no different from Adam and Eve covering themselves out of shame when God shows up.
Do you want to know a big secret though? Lean in, listen close.
God already knows!
Yes, we rush to cover ourselves with fig leaves, but God already knows we ate the fruit. We try to deny it out of guilt, we throw blame around to everyone else. We justify why we did what we did to ourselves, but we aren’t fooling God. When we ask God to search our hearts and thoughts its not to say, “Ah ha! I know I am pure! Just try me God.” We’re not, and that’s not what this psalm speaks to me. When we ask God to search our hearts, and scan our thoughts it is a passionate cry out that you, indeed, want to be intimate with your Heavenly Father. It is opening yourself up to God and saying to Him, “Lord, I know I am flawed, and I open myself up to you so that you may discipline me and guide me.”
The lord, our God, wants nothing more than for us to take the locks off of our hearts and open up to Him. When we do, God takes mercy, God shows grace. Will he discipline you? Absolutely. Will he show you grace? Most assuredly. even the first, history altering, sin was met with grace. He clothed Adam and Eve, and sent them away from a life that would have caused eternal pain and suffering.
Take a deep breath, cry a little (or a lot) if you have to, and ask God to search your heart. Ask God to search your thoughts. Become intimate with God and tell Him that you are willing to be known. God loves you more than you know, and this is one of the very first steps to building an intimate relationship with the one who loves you unconditionally.