It is beautiful, sunny, day. The birds chirp, and the smell of fresh grass is in the air. The temperature seems to be just perfect to where you almost don’t even notice, because it neither warms nor chills your skin. All is peaceful under the blue sky, but you peer off into the distance. A single gray cloud hovers over the horizon. You think to yourself, “It doesn’t even look like its coming this way,” so you continue on putting it to the back of your mind. You breath in the air, and you notice that the next breath you draw fills your lungs with a cooler air than before. A soft wind hits your skin. Again, you think nothing of it. “It was just a breeze,” you tell yourself. However, you feel something wet hit you in the nose and you look up to realize that the rain cloud, that was previously in the distance, has quickly found its way to you. It isn’t as small as you thought it might have been.
Before you can seek shelter it is as if the sky has come crashing down around you. Rain, hail, gusts of wind, and even lightning and thunder have suddenly bombarded you. You look around and realize that there is no shelter in sight, and you realize that in mere moments you’ve gone from completely peaceful to completely helpless. To make matters worse the sky has now gone completely dark as the small cloud now takes the sky as far as you can see. You realize the sun will be setting soon, and you have no where to go. Hours go by and you’ve gone from standing, to sitting, to curling into a ball, and eventually even with the storm crashing around you; you’re mind gives in, and you succumb to sleep.
Another cool breath, and you jolt up. There is no more rain hitting your face, no more hail pelting your body, and no more lightning to threaten you in the open field. You are in disbelief that you survived the night, and you rub your eyes to clear the haze. You realize, though, that the haze is not in your eyes, but that a dense fog has taken over the landscape. This would normally be a scary discovery, but after what had happened the night before the fog is welcoming. You find peace in the fog because it does not threaten you’re life like the storm had. As you walk you occasionally trip over a rock or stumble over a small divot in the ground, but you laugh it off. After the storm nothing seems to bother you. You feel like you have a new lease on life, because you feel like you’ve been given a second chance. The fog starts to become the norm. Days turn to weeks, and you have become one with the numbness of the fog. Always looking back, and telling yourself that after that fateful storm you are thankful for the fog because this just isn’t as bad. Sure you can’t see, sure you are completely aimless in your march, but at least you are alive. Then one night you close your eyes for a peaceful rest and fall fast asleep.
A breath, neither warm nor cool, enters your lungs and you awake. Your eyes burn even though they are closed as you can feel the sun against the lids, begging you to open your eyes. You don’t though, you are afraid to. You know from the bottom of your heart that the second you open your eyes the fog will be gone and the path will become clear, and that terrifies you. With your eyes closed you beg for the fog to come back and shut out the sun. You don’t want to face it. You had grown comfortable with not knowing where you were going, and the thought of having to look out and having direction is simply more than your clouded mind can handle. So you keep your eyes closed. You trip, but you don’t know what you tripped on. You fall and feel the blood on your knees, but you keep your eyes closed. You just keep them closed.
One day, however, you get tired of falling. The scars are innumerable, and you have no idea what they even look like. With frustration in your heart you squint your eyes to let the sun in, and it burns. You feel blinded, and the pain of opening your eyes brings tears to them. At that moment you realize that you have already let the sun in, and so you slowly open them more and more. What was tears of pain becomes tears of overwhelming joy as you see the path. You had strayed quite a distance, but you see it. You see the trees with their bright green leaves, and the flowers all red, and purple, and yellow. You realize that you hear the birds which you had grown to ignore in your numbness. You look to the path and are startled to see a man in the middle of the path who begins to walk towards you. At first you are hesitant, but you walk towards him.
As you walk towards him you realize that you feel a sense of guilt. A deep painful guilt that, for a moment, makes you want to close your eyes again and run away. You chose to keep them open. The man does not appear to be mad at you, or upset by you. He just keeps smiling at you as if you had known each other a life time. You come face to face with him, and his smile grows wider as he opens his arms. You sink into his arms and he holds you tight.
“I’ve missed you,” He says.
“Who are you,” You ask Him.
With a warm smile and a soft voice He says, “You know who I am.”
He’s right. The second He says it you know exactly who He is, “Where have you been?” You ask Him.
“I was right here the whole time. You didn’t seek me, so I let you have your own way,” He says.
“But the storm, the fog. You weren’t there for me. I was on my own.” You say with a little anger.
“No,” He says compassionately, “You were not on your own. I kept the lightning from you, I kept you alive. I filled in holes that you could have fallen into in the fog. I was there, but you didn’t ask for me, so I let you be.”
Tears well in your eyes once more, “I’m sorry. I thought I could handle it, I didn’t think that I needed anyone’s help. I didn’t think anyone was around to help.”
“You are forgiven. Come, let me show you the way.”
With those words you feel the guilt, almost instantaneously, leave your body, and you are not quite sure why, but you follow Him. As you make your way back to the path with Him you realize that the relationship you have with this man is going to be the most important one you could ever have. You still aren’t sure where exactly this path is going to take you, but you know that as long as He is your guide you have nothing to worry about ever again.
Imperfect Faith 